hi

the first time is always difficult like people always say...
that’s true in my case..
first time to log in to blog after the great hibernation. I forgot my password as anyone can guess. ye la, who keep a log of their user id/name with corresponding password kan ??
a security no-no.
pas tu, blogger.com dah tukar style la pulak...hmm, lagi la terkial-kial..
tapi, when it comes to things related to money, I always keep them in order n selalu ingat my banks’ password and username/id.
anyway, back to story.
after hibernating for a long time, I decided to check what’s been happening this blog. And my blogmate has spin off to create her own personal blog, lots of cheers for her !!!

summary of happenings to me:
i am sucked into this motherhood roles quite deep and places I surf on the internet semuanya mother or breastfeeding related sites..
plus, I got so much work to do at the office
plus, there are times where I couldn’t surf the internet and times where they pull the plug on the blogspot addresses...
plus, I am so malas to write cos honestly I don’t have much to share. Sikit-sikit boleh laa.
plus, my manager tu suka sangat la come to my workstation unannounced so memang dia selalu kantoi I tgh surf internet or chatting in the ym..tetiba aje, dia ada kat belakang, hampesss...tu yg discourage me even more.
plus, I use my a major portion of my lunchtime to express my milk...

now, my time lagi la limited cos every lunchtime from Tuesday til Thurs, I have a gamelan practise/class. I absolutely love my gamelan class. Now, I dah belajar 15 songs !!!
at least, bagus jugak I ada gamelan class cos I tak de la asyik nak makan aje and menggemukkan diri especially kat perut. And I tak de la asyik nak menghabiskan duit aje....dgn membeli-beli yg tak berkesudahan..
it’s 5 pm already and I must ca alif bot..

Time to move

It doesn’t feel right.

I’m hogging this blog all to myself when it’s supposed to be a shared one.

I have my own stories to share but I can’t be dominating this blog anymore. Let the original intent of creating Friendshipbabes remain. I’ll contribute when my other bloggermates do too :)

Some friends have suggested that I probably should just start my own blog.

Been thinking about it and yeah, maybe that’s not such a bad idea. I agree it’s time to move on…time to have my own space.

So to the Friendshipbabes readers (not that there’s a lot of you), please do drop by my own blog when you’re free.

http://trueblue-lifestories.blogspot.com/

See you there!

Strange sense of sorrow

Very strange indeed.

I woke up this morning feeling rather sad. I can't quite figure out why. There's this weird sense of sorrow. Something is missing. Something is not right. Trueblue feels blue.

Nothing happened last night. Didn't dream of anything peculiar. Why am I feeling this way?

Strange...

I am so not gonna be able to work like this. *sigh*

Craving...

I miss you. Yes, you!















I so envy my colleagues who have nasi lemak for their breakfast.

Its just a simple and plain nasi lemak (see pix) but right now it looks bloody good!! *Trueblue drooling*

I blame my fat ass and big tummy for this.

That naughty little boy!!

Oohh..I forgot to share this story with you guys.

The incident happened at a toy store a few months back. While happily checking out the toys, I noticed this boy running around the store. He reminded me of Dennis, you know that cheeky little boy from ‘Dennis the Menace’. The boy somehow wanted to annoy us by making these irritating noises and purposely bumping into people. I tried to ignore him, knowing that it’s normal for boys to be boisterous. To quote what a friend said, “I may not approve it but I understand”.

Anyway, I was minding my own business when out of the blue, the boy (whose height was just a few inches below my waist) ran towards me and for no apparent reason grabbed/touched me at my ‘you-know-what’. I was shocked and screamed out “Hey, apa ni??!!!”. He just gave me an innocent little grin and ran away.

Can you guys believe that?

I was appalled by that boy’s behaviour. How on earth do kids that age go around touching strangers at their private parts and think they can get away with it??!! How rude!!! What values (if any) have his parents been teaching him?? If his parents keep ignoring the behaviour, I shudder to think what he’ll turn out to be when he grows up.

%*&*#$!!

I still get very angry every time I re-call the incident.

To bro with love

It was a sad day for us last Saturday night as we were all at KLIA to send off my youngest brother to Germany. He will be pursuing his Degree in Mechanical Engineering and will be there for four years. Yes, he’s 20 years old but he’ll always be the baby of the family. Yes, he can be stubborn at times but he’s still a sweet kid. He doesn’t get into any major mischief and is always the homebody type (thanks to the influence of our parents!).

It was hard to see him leave as we are so used to seeing him around the house. F* didn’t shed a tear when we hugged goodbye. Maybe nak maintain macho :). I tried hard to control my tears. Didn’t want him to see how sad I was but of course the sadness was too much to bear. Tears were still streaming down my face.

At that point, I had a sudden flashback to the year 1987 when F* was close to a year old and I was in Standard Six. It was one particular evening when my maid was preparing to bake a banana cake. I was in her room at the time, busy looking out for newspaper clippings on Gary Lineker. For those who don’t know, Gary Lineker was an England footballer and I was soooo obsessed with him during those days. When all was ready and the cake was placed in the oven, my maid asked me to babysit my brother while she took a quick shower and reminded me to watch out for F* and don’t let him go anywhere near the oven. Of course I was half listening at the time, being so obsessed with Gary and all.

I remembered F* was in the room with me but somehow I never realised when he started to crawl to the kitchen. I guess I wasn’t really paying attention (still busy looking at the papers). After a few minutes, I heard my brother crying. I ignored it, thinking it wasn’t anything major. All of a sudden, I heard my maid yelling, “*Trueblue*!!!! Kenapa tak tengok F*???!!!”. I quickly ran to the kitchen and was shocked to see my baby brother’s hands were touching the oven. F* was crying like crazy. There were no words to explain my feelings at the time. It was a total negligence on my part. I felt absolutely guilty. My parents weren’t back from work yet so we had to ask our neighbour to take F* to the clinic. The doctor said since we managed to pull F* quite fast, the injury was still under control. Thank God.

When they brought F* back home and I saw his small hands wrapped in bandages, I just burst into tears. F* was smiling and laughing and acted as if nothing happened. He seemed clueless to what the fuss was all about. I was so scared waiting for my parents to come back home. I knew they were gonna kill me and a voice somewhere told me to just run away. Surprisingly, my parents weren’t so mad with me and to this day I wonder why. All I did was hide in my room, crying and praying to God “Ya Allah, tolonglah jangan bagi Daddy and Mummy marah”. After some time, I sneaked out from my room and bumped into Daddy. He just smiled and asked “Dah makan kek pisang?”. Weird…and there I was having panic attacks in my room.

Anyway, F* has a scar on his left hand from that unfortunate incident. It’s small but enough to leave a longlasting memory. Every time I see that scar, I can’t help but feel so angry at myself. I think I will forever hold this guilt. I know he doesn't even remember the incident but the scar would always remind him that it did happen and for that, I would never forgive myself for being so careless that day.

Like I said, it was tough to see him leave that Saturday night. He’s a big boy now and turning into a man but he’ll always be my baby brother. But yeah, it’s time to let him go. It’s time for him to learn new things in a different country and a different language. He needs to be exposed to a different culture and different environment. It's time to be independent. I wish him all the best in his studies and hope things will work out great for him.

Take care, bro. We miss you already. Please know and remember that we love you very much.

Shit happens

I see it in movies and never thought it would happen to me.

Picture yourself having a great laugh with friends, and then suddenly out of nowhere some bird shit drops and falls on your shoulder. Oh wait, that’s not the worst thing yet. Due to the impact of the drop, some of the shit bounces off to your face. Gross, huh? And of course, it always happens when some cute guy passes by.

Damn bird.

The fickle minded me

I sometimes tend to over-analyse things to the point that it can become ‘analysis-paralysis’. I also worry a lot which becomes a hindrance when I need to make fast decisions.

My management has offered me a few options about work and have been waiting for an answer since ages ago but for the love of God, I just cannot decide. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Am I being overly cautious? Too afraid to let people down? Fear of making the wrong choice? I guess I just don’t want to disappoint people and you know, in the end humiliate myself if I don’t perform well.

I’ve been thinking and thinking and thinking. Been talking to a few people to get opinions but I have still not come to a conclusion. I just cannot decide. I keep thinking about the ‘what if's’. If I do it this way, what will happen? If I do it the other way, what would be the consequences?

Maybe I’m just thinking TOO MUCH. Stop thinking and just do it, huh? People say, follow your heart. Your heart will know what to do. What does my heart feel? Hmmm..that’s something to think about…Gosh Trueblue…STOP THINKING!!!

And now I have an aching head from all the deep thinking which doesn’t really help when I’m suppose to actually rest my mind.

Talked to a friend earlier and he said “Just make a call and to hell with the rest!!”. Haha..I think that’s exactly what I should do.

Aching head

What’s a good cure for headaches?

Already went to see the doctor but the pills don’t seem to work.

The dizzy spells started on Sunday and just won’t go away!

My head feels like its spinning and I seriously feel like banging it on the wall.

Oh my poor head….

The long journey home

When you’re tired, sleepy, have a massive headache and feel like throwing up plus having a leg injury; getting stuck in a traffic jam for 2 bloody hours is the worst feeling ever!!! And it’s even worse when you’re the only one in the car.

I was trying so hard to stay awake, slapping myself a few times. The aircond made me sleepier so I thought I’d wind down the window but the smell of smoke was too much to bear.

I don’t know what happened at the KL-Seremban highway yesterday evening. The cars were bumper to bumper. A journey that should take max 30 minutes from Kajang to my apartment went up to 2 whole hours. I was actually in the verge of tears and was praying hard because it got to a point where I thought I wanted to give up and just leave my car in the middle of the road. I think if I had someone else with me or if I didn’t feel so sick, I would have tolerated the situation much better. My head felt like it was spinning. I was massaging my temples and the back of my neck, hoping the pain would subside.

When everyone feels stressed to be stuck in a traffic jam, it is also not such a great idea to be asked to move our cars for the benefit of the VIPs. There was a point when we heard sirens from the traffic police who screamed out “Beri laluan, Beri laluan” for some big shot. The perks of being a VIP, never having to be caught in a traffic jam. *sigh* We couldn’t even move forward that much, so it was actually hard to give the police and VIP some space to go ahead. I was actually swearing at the time. I guess it would be fine if it was the ambulance or fire brigade but for VIPs, well..it does feel a bit annoying.

I was so glad when I finally reached home. It was a feeling of absolute relief. For all the pain I had to endure for the past 2 hours, the moment I reached the parking lot, I really did feel like kissing the ground. I made it and still alive :). *phew*